This is the house that Jack built (Finale)

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier. Mae West

Do you think next time we should make sure we're behind the projector?

The audience got more than they were expecting.

This is the house that Jack built (Episode 3)

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better."

Words of wisdom from the immortal Mae West. Let's see who's good and who's bad in Jack's house.

You must be a magician because everything disappears when I look at you.
Wave a magic wand and let's disappear together.

Why did you steal my heart?
So you'd always come back to me.

Your mama is a llama.

Your daddy stole your mama from a zoo exhibit.

Hey sweetie, do you like grapes or apples?
Why?
I wanna know what kind of pancackes to make in the morning.

I can't keep track. What was I supposed to do? Who do I like best?

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Is there a rainbow today?
Why?
You look like a treasure to me, sweetie.

You're like a piano.
What?
I want to run my hands up and down your body.

Ok, win Jack's heart, win the challenge then...
Damn, lost my train of thought.

More foosball?
Yep, get used to it. It's one of the few rules we kept.

A nice quiet group meal

Followed by a friendly gathering to toast marshmallows.

It was quiet. We just were enjoying each other's company for once.

I'm lost. Do you have the map to your heart?

Well, Jack, you have to select one of the girls to go away tonight. Which of them will it be?
I have to send one away?
Yes.
Well, I guess it's Alicia then.

Any last words?
Pity, I was really starting to have fun.

This is the house that Jack built (Episode 2)

Skinny dipping Sims alert. Do not open in an office or other unfriendly environment.

Did they just take you out of the oven? Cause baby you are hot.
Oh sweetie, if I'm hot, you're fire.

Hey, it's not my fault I'm falling in love. You tripped me.
I've always wanted my own fall guy.

Don't give me that, you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings!
What? I was only being friendly.

Come on baby, light my fire.
I prefer burn baby burn.

The producer decided that an afternoon at the park might be nice for the house.

Has the rest of the world gone dark? Cause honey, you are pure sunshine.
Let me wrap you in my warmth.

You snivelling little toady!
What is it with you?

Can't we be friends?
Ewww. I don't want warts, little toady.

Man, I can't catch a break. Even strangers blow up at random.

The park trip was less than a complete success, so the inmates were brought back home.

Hey everyone, we have a pool. Who's up for some late swimming?
Catch?
Don't bring the swim suit.

Fine pool party. Lovely weather and such a great view everywhere I look. Can't lose here.

Foosball?
No hot tubs, sorry buddy.
Damn

Aren't you a little overdressed, Mr Mayweather?
What?
You need to change into something much skimpier. The girls have.
I'll think about that.

Could you lay off the guys?
Why? They are such tasty targets.

Dinner was not exactly a happy meal tonight.
Travis was so pungent, you could smell him from across the city.

I love this place. It's great. I hope Jack isn't given us the boot.
Umm, not a chance sweetie. Not a chance.

So Travis Carson is our first eviction. Any final words?

I am so glad I'm out. The girls were fine but hitting on guys is just not my scene. Except Hugo, he's damned cute. I'm planning on calling Alicia, she's one hot girl.

This is the house that Jack built (Episode 1)

In the house - our official lonely Sim Captain Jack Harkness - time traveller and alien hunter.

The contestants

The girls

Ripley "Sparks Will Fly" Warren
Alicia "I want more than one" Longshore
Titania "Don't make me angry" Solia

The guys

Hugo 'The grouch' Hawke
Ollie 'What was I doing' Mayweather
Travis "Flirts r us" Carson

Wait, that all sounds good but I've heard about these things. You don't get to flirt for days.

Jack, we threw out the old rule book and brought in a special one just for you. 

So what are the rules?

That would be telling. Just get in there and do what comes naturally Jack.

I'm Jack. Do you believe in love at first sight or do I walk by again?

Hey baby, walk past just once more. The view is grrreat.

I'm Alicia. You have the prettiest eyes.

Hey cutie, I'm Ollie.

Wait, they can flirt with each other?

You bet Jack. You have competition from all of them.

My mother is not a llama!
And your father smelt of elderberries.

Hugo?
That Tatianna, she's impossible.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
You must be Travis. I've heard about you.

Hey, you are kind of cute.
You have got to be kidding me. Go find some traffic to play in.

Baby, you are the silver lining on the cloud.
[giggles] Oh Travis.

When you look into the mirror holding up a dozen roses, you see the 13 most beautiful things in the world.
Oh Jack, you say the sweetest things.

Wait, isn't this chess challenge?

When do you have to fly back to heaven?
Oh baby.

Wait, wait, wait.
Jack, I told you that they would be competing.
I didn't really expect...
When it comes to flirting and love, anything goes.

They must close the candy store in despair when you walk by, you're the sweetest thing I've seen.
How many bees stay close to you, honeypot?

I hear you are one tough cookie.
Oh yeah, I am.
I love cookies. Mind if I try a bite?

In our next episode, our first eviction.