I Want My Baby Back (Jerod's Fourth Tale - Part 1)

It all started one evening when I was getting the post. There were, of course, several bills. Bills are always the bane of my existence. But there was a plain envelope bearing the single word “Shrimp” on it. No stamp, no return address, not even our full address. Which meant someone must have dropped it directly in our box.

My name is Jerod but almost everyone calls me Shrimp. So I wasn’t too concerned, just a note from a friend. That was why I casually just flipped it over and opened it.

The contents though, they weren’t routine. Not at all.

We know what you did.

And you will pay for your sins, Jerod Shrimpton.

Now if you haven’t heard about me, I’m definitely not one of the good guys in town. I used to be a member of The Company; a bunch of thieves, cutthroats and villains. I gave that up years ago, hoping for a quiet life. It was quiet for awhile, but recently I’ve been pulled back in as a special representative and that’s made life…interesting.

God, I should have been more careful about that envelope. Too fucking late now. Though, truth be told, I wouldn’t be able to do anything clever anyway. I don’t have the facilities to do fingerprinting or anything. Plain white envelope, plain white paper doesn’t give me much to work with.

“Shrimp, what’s taking you so long getting the mail?” called my lovely wife Tania. Tania is the yang to my yin, the good to my evil. I’m being literal about that last, she is and always has been good. Well, up to our last trip overseas. She insisted on being involved in my business and so she had her first walk on the dark side.

“Sorry, Sweetheart, I just had a bit of a surprise. I think we are going to have to have a talk.” I paused for a moment. “Actually, do you mind if I ask Marta and Ted over? I think I might need them.” I didn’t have to look at Tania, I knew one eyebrow would be very arched at that comment.

As I pulled out my phone, Tania looked as though she was going to ask what was up. Then she sort of shrugged, there wouldn’t be much of a wait, they live next door.

“Marta, could you come over for 10 maybe 20 minutes? And please drag Ted’s sorry ass with you.” Now Marta and Ted are two active members of The Company. Marta is by far the best thief around, she can make nearly anything disappear. Ted’s more of the local evil genius, though his skills are more computer based. They don’t extend to people very well. He is a devious bastard though, just the kind of guy I might need.

I watched as they made their way over. It was good to see that Ted had graduated from using crutches to just a walking stick. His leg had been smashed during a failed takeover of his position by two of his people. It’s left him with a limp and quite a lot of paranoia about when the next takeover might happen.

When my children spotted Ted, they ran for their godfather. As usual, he gave each of them a brief cuddle, and then gave a toy to each child. This earned him quick hugs, “Tank kews” and then Lana and Toby went off to play with their new toys.

“So, Shrimp. Why did you call?” asked Marta with her soft drawl.

I passed the note to Tania first with a motion that she should pass to the others. They each read it quickly and handed it on.

“And you called us because?” asked Ted.

“I’m not sure which of my actions this might be referring to. I was hoping a little brainstorming might help.”

Tania looked at me. “There’s more than just what happened last trip?”

I sighed. I’d tried for so long to keep Tania from realising exactly what I did for The Company when we met and what I’ve done since. My lovely wife was about to get an earful. “Yes, Tania, there is more. Should I start with the oldest sins or the most recent?”

“I’d say start with the oldest. We can probably rule them out.”

“We better sit down, this will take a little while,” I said. We all sat in the living area. I held up my left hand with all fingers extended. “So, first was Dennis Racket. He had plans of making me his toy boy. I rather objected to that.” Ted smirked at me. He’d heard a very different version second hand. “So on a trip to Egypt, I stole his money, the batteries to his cell and his papers. And had him transported away from town, with some provisions. It took him over a month to get home again. As far as I know, he got over it.” I folded over my pinky.

“Then I quit The Company, they didn’t seem to have an objection to that.” I folded down the ring finger.

Ted replied, “I’m positive that’s not it. I’m sure I would have been first to hear about that.” Given he took my place as the head of the local branch, he should know.

“Now my next trip to Egypt was far more dangerous. On my first night at camp, I was given a drugged drink. When I woke up, I was trapped in a pyramid.”

Ted looked thoughtful. “Was that Kane and Pesce?”

“As it turns out, yes. It took me two long days to find a passage out of that pyramid. I thought I was going to die there. Once you sent the dossiers, I managed to have Kane arrested for the local equivalent of indecent dealing with a minor.” I folded down my middle finger.

Then I took a deep breath. I had to remind myself, the people sitting here were the people I trusted most. Trusted with my life and all my secrets. “Pesce, I drugged her food, put her on a raft and pushed it out to some crocodiles. There was a lot of blood and no sign that she woke before they attacked, so I’m sure she’s dead.” I folded down my index finger. Tania gasped and turned pale.

“Crocodiles? Seriously?” asked Marta.

“Dude, that is an epic way to murder someone,” said Ted with admiration in his voice. “There is still a major reward from The Company on Pesce. Why not claim it?”

I shook my head. “I can think of no better way to get a very high price on my head from The Family. No thanks.”

“Why did you let Kane live? That’s a weak spot,” said Ted.

I shrugged. “He just didn’t seem that dangerous. He was just the muscle of the operation. Finally our last trip to France, we ended up needing to set up a fake blackmail drop so we could set up the real blackmailer. That worked fine. The blackmailer ended up in jail and discredited so our supplier no longer had to pay his demands. Hard to believe that anyone would be threatening me over that.” I folded my thumb making a fist. Five things I could think of that might make me a target.

“Pesce. It’s going to be Pesce,” said Marta decisively.

“I agree. It’s going to be about that. But I don’t think The Family is involved.”

“Why do you think The Family isn’t involved, Ted?” I asked.

“They’d just send a team of assassins. They wouldn’t give warning.” He paused. “Besides, if you die on assignment, you weren’t good enough. Pesce failed to kill Shrimp and then she died.”

I was watching Tania. She was staring down at her hands, refusing to look at any of us. My poor wife was getting far too much of an education, far too fast. Marta looked at Tania, then raised an eyebrow at me. I shook my head, I wanted to talk to her after they’d gone.

Ted, oblivious to the situation continued. “Now, Shrimp, about your upcoming trip to China.” Ah shit, I forgot I had tickets to go to China next week. “The company is hoping that you can establish a new contact, one that will send shipments of drugs.” Tania gasped and started to shudder.

“No drugs, Ted. No,” I said firmly.

He blinked as he realised the problem. “I meant super cheap generic brand versions. Not the other kind. Not the hard stuff.”

“Marta, Ted, I appreciate you coming over. Could you think about who might be threatening me? What precautions we should be taking.” I stood and they did as well.
Marta leaned over to kiss a cheek and whispered to me, “Take care of Tania.”

“I will try.”

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The lovely Marta Tomesi is originally from Chrysame.

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