Take It to the Limit (Jerod's First Tale - Part 3)

I didn't realise that life as a wannabe Emperor of Evil was going to be so mundane. Life is pretty much stable and all is quiet.

I do get to practice painting from time to time. I think I'm going to give this one as a gift to Tania. It's not worth the cost of the canvas but she'll think I'm such a darling for giving her something. And it's got a soppy scene, a heart and lovey dovey stick figures, just her style.

There are the ever present bills to take care of. Damnit, when I rule the world...

Actually, I won't stop bills. After all, if I rule, the money is all mine. Score! I wonder what more things I could charge for.

I'm still doing most of the cooking.

Tania stills eats whatever I put on the table. Even when my efforts are way overcooked.

I'm still finding out stuff about Tania.

Miss Goody Goody does have flaws. She's such a slob. She never cleans anything. The shower is hideous when she finishes. If she does cook, she never picks up in the kitchen. And her idea of washing dishes is to lick them clean. Even after they start getting green around the edges. That's just...[shudder]

Also she is constantly playing her guitar. Frankly, it is getting annoying that the woman has nothing better to do. Ever.

Well, until my path crosses hers again. She's drawn to me like a moth to the flame.

Pretty moths must learn not to play with fire. Fire kills moths.

The two of us share a bed almost every night. We should probably sell the other bed. I couldn't use it for woohoo if Tania is home. If she is out, I can use the bed we share.

I knew she'd go for that silly painting. Place of honour above her bed no less.

Well, well, well, Miss Goody Goody is swimming without clothes. She was the one who rang me that that local pool was open but the town should be in bed. She certainly has more possibilities then I realised.

It doesn't seem nearly as much fun as that hot tub. Still, there's that thrill of jumping into water naked that makes it just so fan-fucking-tastic.

I swam around for some time, then I had a lovely idea. I nipped out to steal her clothes.

Then I faked a call from someone. "Tania?"

"Yes?"

"We've been asked over to Red Rendezvous. They need a bit of live music. The guy I was talking to sounded very distressed about it." Tania won't be able to resist a plea for help. I just know she'll fall for this.

"Shrimp?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to my clothes?"

"No idea, sweety. We have to go!" Oh yes, this is a score, she is going to Red Rendezvous in a towel. Coolest damn trick ever.

Give Tania credit. She was blushing like crazy, until that guitar got in her hands. She started playing and absolutely nothing else mattered. Not the towel, not the audience, her guitar was all that existed in the universe.

The next afternoon after work my boss, Dennis Racket invited me to his home. The call came not long after I had been promoted to protection aka thug. In my profession, it's never wise to ignore your boss. He met me at the door and led me upstairs to his study.

"Mr Shrimpton, I've heard good things about you from your coworkers. Putting in extra time the other day was a wise move."

"Thanks, Boss. You've put together a good crew."

"I've heard from other sources that you're a bit of a party boy."

"Guilty, Boss. I love a good party more than most. Bring on the music and the booze, I'll be on the dance floor before anyone else."

"And hot tubs?" He smiled. There was something uncomfortable about the way he was looking at me. I couldn't quite work out what.

I raised an eyebrow. This dude has lived in this one horse town forever. He knows there aren't any. "Hot tubs? I wish."

"I might buy a hot tub for you. I've heard it said that you so anxious for one that you'd skinny dip with anyone?"

"I might have said that, true"

"The annual big charity ball is coming up. I'll buy the hot tub if you agree to act as an escort for someone. A full escort service for the night. Do you get my drift?"

"Full escort from door to party, lot's of attention at the party and umm later to their bed?"

"I see you do get the drift. Not really asking that much, given that you'll be earning such an expensive item as a reward."

Hmm, basically sell my 'services' for a single night for a very expensive toy. Hell yeah. "Sure, I'm in. So, Boss, who's the lucky lady I'm taking? Maiden aunt, old friend, widow?" He can't be thinking about his daughter. Lolly's a bit young for a full escort.

He started to reached out toward my face. "Ah pretty boy, you'll be taking me."

OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT It was sheer instinct that made me push his hand away.

It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up with what Dennis said. "But you're married. Two kids."

"That is not your problem." He looked at me and I swear he licked his lips. "I've been thinking it's time to come out. And once I saw you, pretty boy, I knew both when and with who I wanted to do it."

"But I have zero interest in guys. There must be some guy around looking for a boyfriend."

"I want you. Only you. You'll have to learn to live with that."

"Suppose I say no?"

"Oh, pretty boy, you don't want to do that. I might get cross. If I get cross, you most certainly will live to regret it. However, it may not be a very long life. On the other hand, if you are a good boy, I may buy you more gifts over time. Come here and give me a taste."

I am so SCREWED. I said yes too soon. He tried to move in for that kiss but I managed to keep him at arms length.

"Saving yourself for later? All right, pretty boy. Just remember, the next time is in front of the town." He looked me over, the cat who has just spotted the cream. "Don't rent a tux, I'll send you the clothes to wear."

I have to admit bolting out, with his laughter following me. If I escort him to this ball, everyone in town will either see us or hear about it from others. I'll be lucky if anyone would dare do as much as dance with me. They'll all assume I belong to Dennis. I am just so screwed.